Those so called friends are not real friends. I packed a bag, kissed the kids goodbye, and told them I was going to grandmas house to help her with something. The real question on my mind is why is she friends with people who belittle you for your sexuality? Do you love her more than anything? Who cares. If its been a long time she maybe used to be that way but not anymore and still knows how to do the diggs they like. Maybe you should ask him if that not problem why he upset. But we hung on. Your marriage is between the two of you. Do NOT let her tell you your feelings are wrong. 1. Your wife hates that you're bi. Third, never fighting is surprisingly not a sign of a great marriage. There is nothing wrong with you. Once you know how you need to move forward, she can either own her awful behavior and support you or she can kick rocks. Thats punishment enough for some. She doesnt respect you, man. So I became kind of a joke and was constantly approached by family and friends, which didnt contributed at all for my stress level. You know what Im talking about Im sure. I hope you are able to get marriage counseling and find a way through this wether it ends with you together or not. You need to tell her how this has made you feel and how hurt you are by it. Thank you for giving me my laugh for the day haha. Gaslight, blameshifting, shamming, begging by the end and finally divorce. She failed at the number one attribute an SO needs to be, your SO's most ardent defender. Get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house I sniped as I tipped my fedora and winked at my wifes hottest friend who was clearly impressed by my rage erection that had partially split the seam in my relaxed fit Levi 501s. If she does it again then it's a bigger issue but i'm sure this will be a big learning moment for her and you will both be in a better place for it. From one bi to another, I'm sorry you had to go through this, it's a bisexual's nightmare scenario to hear your long-term partner say this kind of shit. If a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. The simple fact of the matter is she shit talks you behind your back. Ngl bro the first halve is disrespect enough, you now know she keeps important shit to herself like Tom tryna derail your marriage and is at the same time comfortable sharing your personal life with her friends and entertaining her friends disrespecting you in your own home. Or no, either way it was gross as fuck. She continued to ignore my boundary. You are not overreacting. I would want to know why, if it was me. It's mainly drunk talk and a bit of peer pressure getting to your wife and she clearly regrets it We all make mistakes sometimes but this is how you grow as a couple! You deserve so much better than this. You feel emasculated about something that's a part of you because you hide it Weirdly plenty of women like men who like men too. They give up so quickly when there's a whole lifetime ahead of joy, wonder and happiness. By bringing it up then and making your feelings the most important feelings in the room, you are being childish. After a very long silence, she said, "I guess we'll see how it all comes out in the wash anyway." They went to bed soon after. Couples therapy is a must, but it is on your wife to earn your trust back. If so, I think you should try. Im scrolling Reddit at night because its an escape from my own personal issues, so I might not be connecting some dots. Sorry man, I feel like we all over share with our friends sometimes. As for your wifes friends, if they feel that strongly about your sexual preferences, then fuck em too! Second, if you know somebody is making fun of you over something so intimate and personal, how can you enjoy it again? As long as you are honest with yourself then it will all work out. What drops it a full letter grade for me is that the protagonist is always an Abercrombie model. She stopped criticizing after that. Let's give your wife the benefit of the doubt for a moment. Even if it was a close call, you dont say that. I mean, youre not wrong petty king/queen. Youre delusional. This was betrayal. Stand firm in that it wasn't okay to disclose private information that you didn't want to be made public. Especially the part where she acts like its a close call between you and Tom to her girlfriends. Being shitty is easy, being a good person is too Clearly choices have been made. Uh huh. I told her I cant believe shed ever say something like that or not tell me how she felt.she continued to swear she was just being stupid and didnt mean or feel anything she said. Maybe suggest that. b- for creative writing, but this is total BS. She needs to take responsibility for it and how it made you feel. Anyone that believes stay for the kids has literally never had any experience as a kid whos parents stayed for them. Or will she stand by him, tell her friends she is the one who was lying because she was afraid of their reactions, and own her shit? Not the rest of the world with their petty judgements. She's probably embarrassed by that, and won't admit it to her friends fearing judgement. This is divorce worthy. Will take her out to nice places, and buy her stuff. We have 2 amazing kids. Same! EVERYTHING she did was awful and she clearly knew that she messed up (more than once). Nothing really, it's all been said, nothing can change it. Let that sink in. The mmmhmmm's give that away. I understand you were angry and not thinking straight, but that is besides the point. Also, she doesn't like your sex life. She destroyed your trust, and trust takes a long time to repair. The bottom pine is you're supposed to be able to confide in her about these things and she's mishandled your trust. Try marriage counseling and perhaps moving away for a new start. For years. Posing with her Dutch-born man, the 29-year-old . I dont air out our dirty laundry for anyone else to see, especially when it comes to sex. She let slip things that suggests she views OP inferiorly. I think it wouldve been different if maybe she had some concerns and needed someone to confide in about it, but she shouldve never allowed them to speak about you that way. you'd be shocked but how many wives/girlfriends go into detail about their sex lives with their friends. Also, she may have "let it slip" 2 years ago, but obviously they've all talked about it since. Reading this brought me back to heavy hearted times. The fact she cares more about her homophobic friends opinions of her than her relationship with her partner says a lot. I would be trembling with furious anger and wouldn't be able to face her with the same amount of trust for a long, long while after this incident. I dont get down with revenge fucks, but if I thought she was super malicious Id be behind that comment. Great comment. Yup. This reeks of blatant disrespect, stupidity, ignorance, and bullshit. But, she finally conceded maybe he was genuine. They didnt hear me come into the kitchen. So here is a truth I don't think many men/women/etc get: SO's talk. 1.) You were a running joke in your wife's friend group for two years. Maybe. Sending you my best OP. The fact that her mindset even thinks doing things like anal play are bi tells me she probably has some internalized homophobia she needs to deal with. Ok. I thanked him. But I don't know that it's unforgivable. It's only a reference to who you choose to have sex with. You are joke to your wife she have no respect for you at all. If I were OP, the answer to this would play a big part in how/whether I wanted to proceed in the relationship. Her voice was strained and raspy. So I would lean towards suggesting forgiving her and working on this. I'm not defending her actions. Imagine all the other crap she does drunk, only to blame it on being drunk . Plus she essentially participated or at the least validated, them ridiculing his sexuality. She should immediately be defending you if they're bigots and jerks about your sexuality. I don't think this information should have been said. She should have told you from the beginning that she let it slip and stood up for you to her friends. My phone was blowing up the whole time with calls and text from my wife and a few from our friends. The world is bad enough with mean enough people, you dont need your team mate trash talking you too. People are weak sometimes. Are all your future conversations and issues also going to be relayed through said friends? The guy was asking her if she'd told me about them being together in the past. You have to try and think past this and think about her and the relationship as a whole. If that isn't true, she should dump the friends because no one should have to feel like they have to validate themselves in a relationship to those they trust. Seriously? I'm a bisexual woman, and if my husband told his friends that he thinks of other women when we do more than vanilla sex, I'd tell him to go find less. Best of luck man. Fourthly, buy that man a beer. Then one girl left and all of a sudden the other girl is giving pointers! Lol see. Do good anyway. If this is a hurdle you feel like you cant get past, then work on it. Embarrassed..then it turned to rage. Best of luck. The two judgmental homophobic friends have got to go. I only started being a little open about it when I moved 3 states away from them and was dating a supportive partner. When I was married my ex-wife I had a problem with erectile distinction for a few months, due to massive stress at work. No true friend will stab you in the back. Ban the girls from the house. Kidding aside. And without trust, you have nothing. How disgusting can she be? I would not have been able to control myself the same way no doubt. Hows everything going out there? she asked motioning to the garage smiling nervously. People knowing that hes bi will damage his reputation? Couples counseling could work but it may also not be necessary, you two could work on it together. Get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house as I tipped my fedora and winked at my wifes hottest friend who was clearly impressed by my rage erection that had partially split the seam in my relaxed fit Levi 501s. When we had problems of a sexual nature it made me feel worse that her friends who would constantly gossip amongst each other knew. Her motivation doesn't change that the fact that you deserve someone that stands up to their friends. Wife and I have been married 7 years and its literally the marriage everyone wants. Hope everything works out with you guys. You're definitely overreacting but to a strange set of circumstances. I also really dont like how shes the one who initiates/etc yet was making fun of it?? Doesn't matter if she means it or not. Thats so tough. Prepare to be known as 'that guy who is really sensitive about his sexuality". Thats the shittiest advice you could give someone. I am so sorry this has happened to you. If she truly loves you she is going to beat herself up for a while. He said if i wanna get together for a drink or whatever to let him know. Just here to let you know bi guys are preferable. If she had doubled down and defended herself and her friends, then that would be a break up situation imo. I 100% understand why you're so upset. Honestly the only advice I have is to don't give an inch on the fact that you were the one outted and ridiculed, not her. To her, you're the butt of the joke. First of all, I don't trust your wife. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. I suggest therapy for you for your feelings and how you want the relationship to proceed. No matter how much she tells you she really enjoys it, there will now always be that voice in your head that tells you she really doesn't. Now's not the time to make decisions. What she did is disrespectful to you as her husband, to herself as your wife, disrespectful AF to your kids (because they will absolutely hear this rumorone day if you live in a small town) and in my opinion this is a divorce threshold. Thats not someone you stay in a marriage with. We never fight. Normally I'd say you have to share it but I'm not sure what that looks like. She needs new friends what a bunch of assholes. She NEVER told me this. A couple of laffs? And highlight that she prioritized her friendships over your feelings. When she closes her eyes shes thinking of other men, one of those other men is probably Tom. I totally dont get why she would lie and say he begged for the gay stuff if she was wanting it. Youre not overreacting at ALL. My dad was bisexual and if I heard my mother saying shit like that about him Id be livid. How much more reassurance do you need? I could never trust what to believe again. Personally I think you handled as well as could be expected - what with confronting the issue right away and pulling consequences for her violating your very personal boundary/secret. I agree with the counseling. Hubby is under the bus & she's driving over him again & again unnecessarily! She really messed this up, she's immature and worried about offending the wrong people. Wife: Oh, nothing just a funny story from (friends name) work. After some begging I agreed to come home tomorrow and talk. 2. Once your sexual history was out in the open and left you vulnerable to her girlfriends judgements, she decided to join in and talk shit about it and mention that she thinks of other men while pleasuring you since it turns her off. How this going to help him after he become joke to everyone he know !!!! Don't fight. That would be the end for me. Just want to say the other husband is a stand up guy. It's not their sex life that she discussed, it's HIS sexuality, something he stated he largely kept private. Yeah. And why do you feed their judgement by throwing your husband to the wolves over this? It won't repair the damage that's been done. Back then I hadnt realize I was bi because I was a teen, and scared of being rejected by my family, but I knew I felt certain attraction towards girls. In this day and age? No matter how stupid, stupid turnt I got, I would NEVER be in a state of mind to let such a personal, private thing slip out. I'm just saying people can be stupid. It felt terrible. Now this doesnt mean shes a 100% shit person. So many unnecessary details. You need to learn how to deal with being outed and your stupid wife needs to understand the true ramifications for you. Trust is one of those things that simply cannot be regained when broken. Fuck how you want to fuck. It's not a secret, kept in a fault. Otoh keeping this secret is what gives it power - power over you. If, she cannot part with them, I would part with her. Third, it is really nobody's business if you are Bi, and nobody should care about it anyway. Your sex life sounds amazing. Good luck and I do feel for you. It doesn't matter if her friends judge her for things - she needs to stand up for you as her husband. Do those stupid things include degrading your bisexual SO to friends with homophobic views? The only reason you know of this disrespect is because you accidentally heard them saying stuff behind your back? I thanked him. I got halfway through before searching "fake" in the comments. Id rather show my support. Soooo. But I bet, she has told other people many years ago about it. No partner with a shred of empathy or decency would value the opinions of their friends over their partner's wellbeing. My life would have been infinitely better if my parents didnt do that shit. Her calling it bi shit, begrudgingly doing it, thinking of someone else. I reckon that weve all said things we wouldnt want our SO to hear at some point. So how wonderful was their family while his wife is sharing secrets and laughing behind his back? Definitely think about whether or not this is a dealbreaker. But it needs to be on your terms. Mahatma Gandhi This is NOT on her timeline anymore. Truly when you come to the realisation your partner has such a low view , I sympathise a lot with you dude. Your sexuality isn't really fodder to take the piss out of. But 2 years later she is still talking about your most sacred aspect of your personal life, buy filling in her friends on the most private part of your life. Sounds like there needs to be an understanding formed between you guys and what is appropriate conversation with friends. I don't know where you should go from here. Right now is the time for your wife to stand by you. Ugh. She's probably said more and worse in the past two years the women have known. Isn't this basically reverse sexism? Has anyone gone through anything similar? Slipping up and sharing something very private about your husband is betrayal enough. She was shitfaced when she admitted your sexuality, was pressured to mock your sexuality by her terrible friends, and she didn't actually mean to completely fucking demean you sexually. Good luck. Birds of a feather flock together. thats some foul behaviour. Anything she says in the moment right now can't be trusted because she'll do or say whatever it takes to keep you. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. What she did was the lowest of the low and completely unacceptable. Especially the two narrow minded ones, All these comments already have good points, I just wanna add that you should definitely take your time. You are NOT overreacting. You deserve that. I was pooping and you helped me push from laughing so hard. So (and this is where your perception of the relationship comes in) you have to determine whether she was going with the flow of the conversation or whether she does actually have an issue with that. But it does happen and people can surprise you. I doubt your own friends would even care, they might tease you a little but thats what friends do. If they outed me and mocked our sex life with their friends, I would never be able to be intimate with them again. There are hundreds of roles people play all the time. I don't know what you should do but I know you shouldn't just roll over and say it's okay. Just as all good things come to an end, so too do all the bad things. Smoked. Best thing to do is give it some time. Best to you. I think the problem here is not your wife not loving you or your sex life -- it sounds like she loves you very much and enjoys y'all's sex life. All of us are who we are meant to be, at this particular time in our life. It sounds more like it's a matter of comfort and trust. But it's not cool to talk about your spouse like that to fit in and it's definitely not cool to talk about your intimate secrets with other people. she also choose to make fun of you to her friends instead of standing up for you. But it sounds like maybe those are friends of hers she should reconsider her position with. Oh theyre judgmental so I wanted to fit in why do you wanna fit in with these people who dont respect the person you love most? You are both going to be have to go to couples therapy and individual therapy sessions. Women talk shit to each other just as much as men do. Best of luck. These ones sound terrible. Part of thinks I should be able to accept her apology and shrug this off.maybe I overacting.but its all I can think about. She shouldnt care what others think of her or you, let alone talk about you negatively behind your back. As far as your confidence goes, why has that taken a hit? My husband is also bi, and I would never mock his sexuality like that. It's not infidelity but to me it sounds just as fucking bad. He said his wife told him what happened and he wanted to let me know he doesnt give a shit about me being bi and thinks the while situation is fucked. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. There's a wide gulf between those that think that's okay and the rest of us. She hurt you fucking badly. I wouldn't be able to think of anything else when having sex with her after hearing her criticize me. She violated your trust in one of the worst possible ways and there really isn't any way to walk it back, The thing that sucks the most is that now that there was a blowupthose judgmental friends who she told about your sexualitywill be running their mouths to all their other friends and coworkers and more and more people will be told something you never wanted shared. Thank you. Why would she tell them you enjoy costumes? It may actually be useful separating your real friends from the judgemental ones. I am so sorry. Your lifestyle is yours and no one has the right to question it, not even your family nor your friends for as long as nobody's put in harms way! A random guy you barely know has stuck more by you tonight than your own wife does on the regular. For that reason I would agree that you guys should talk about, counseling, or like I said, you reconsidering the relationship. If she isn't willing to do both of those things, then she is proving she doesn't value you enough, or is sorry enough for the damage she's caused, to be worth staying with. we're both 28. From what Ive been told by friends and family my wife and Tom had a hot and cold volatile relationship and he was not the best to her (cheating, controlling). Letting your orientation slip to her friends is one thing, if she was drunk and it was an accident that's understandable, but it wasn't an accident to make fun of you behind your back to her homophobe friends. One of the guys who was there called me and I answered. Whats the point in being in relationship, in a marriage if you can't have ALL of trust, loyalty, and respect. Yeah, I'm a married woman. I would be so freaking upset & sad. She should genuinely make amends for it and admit to your so called friends her hand in the situation! Will you ever be able to "do the bi stuff" in bed with her again? She values her homophobic friends' opinions more than your feelings. Then she said he has a really cute small dick, but tries to please. Divorce is an option if you cant get past this but it deserves an effort. Hope you can solve things and come to a good end for you. This seems to be an unpopular opinion, but I kind of agree with you. Wife talks shit to friends to be funny/gossip/have fun, and does not honor the trust that was placed in her. I live in a fairly large Canadian metropolitan area, most guys I know and hang out with are even a little bi. To me this is an unfortunate situation one you would never have known about but for some low key curious snooping and snooping isn't meant as you were being a sneaky individual just a situation happened and you were part off it. She insulted your sexual performance 5. At the end of the day hets are gonna het, I'm really sorry man. Being a bi women in a straight committed relationship, I can connect with you in some sense because I do hear "you can't be bi, you're married to a man" or I had previous partners that were horribly insecure about my sexuality. I couldnt believe it. Im a bisexual guy, I like guys strictly sexually. Both were pretty against it and kind of gave me a hard time about trying it with my husband and even liking it. A Young Boy Hires Prostitute For One Hour 42:46. And sometimes we have to forgive stupid people because we love them anyway. What she did was just bottom of the barrel type of shit. Dude, she needs to recognize that her violation of your trust is incredibly bad. NOBODY SHOULD TALK LIKE THAT ABOUT ANYONE. If you two have a solid relationship, you should be able to work through this. With women like you out there in the world, why the fuck would anyone settle for less? She's just shown you that you can't trust her with your sexuality. If you love her at your core, and want to work through it then work but it doesn't have to happen quickly or on any schedule. Shes not doing bi stuff with you in bed, she was initiating sexual acts that exist in all relationships, not bi-dating-straight. It is also extremely concerning that she never told you that Tom approached her before the wedding. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. A DAD whose wife and kids stopped talking to him because he was covered in tattoos says he has no regrets. She needs to apologize to you in a way that doesn't offset the blame to her friends. My conjecture is that she did so because of the above reasons basically to seem cool. As a not entirely straight guy myself I would be pretty mortified to go through this. And if it was an accident, why did she give them details about what kinks you have? Now you know you have to be careful near her, from now on dont expose yourself that much. I turned to my wife with a raised eyebrow and announced I guess you didnt have me pegged to be a man that would stand up for himself! And I majestically brushed my cape back and walked right out of the house. This story isnt funny but that first line killed me. Most people will say bi/lesbian women are "ok" because it's "hot" (I've been told that), and will see bi/gay men as an atrocity just because it's men with other men. Author Hazel McBride claimed that she's so "average-looking" that she feels uneasy around her more handsome husband in a now-viral TikTok. Do not make them feel you're different because you're not! My identity was something I held tight to my chest for years. Sorry if this is all over the place. Shitty situation man. Fourth, (and this is a guess) given that your wife has some judgemental friends, she is probably just talking some crap that she does not necessarily mean. The friends that she's now claiming are judgemental need to be cut off. That was 100% a choice on her part. Is the point of using your throwaway so she doesnt see your other post history? personally id be filing for divorce right away, being outed alone can be dangerous let alone your own partner then further breaking your trust by cracking jokes about your sexuality. 3) Gossiping about your private life and using it as entertainment for her friends is a huge betrayal. It sounds like they were encouraging your wife and Tom to connect. Does she really think they dont laugh at her for doing bi things with you behind her back as well? She needs to understand that at least. Shes the one the initiates that kind of sex (pegging, butt play, d/s stuff.none of which is exclusive to bi men btw) most the time! How horrible she is, violating you, your sex life, envisioning other people. Then one friend says I could never be with a man who like men. Couples counseling could help. This makes me so angry I'm having a hard time putting it into words. She put you down at your own house. She should have known to do that herself beforehand. Anywho, I keep listening and one of her friends mentions that she ran into Tom while grocery shopping and found out that hes visiting family in town. Be open with her. I'm reading all the comments and really appreciate the advice and support guys . I'd be very hesitant about taking her words at face value. Especially when there is alcohol involved. When she answered I could tell shed been crying and was a wreck. Your sexuality isn't really fodder to take the piss out of. Divorce may be an end result. Theres people that will truly respect you and love you the right way. Wow dude, that sucks and I feel bad for you. Im so sorry this happened. "My. Especially because the reason behind the "close call" was because OP is bi. I think your wife is genuine when she said it was just drunken girl talk and that she was intimidated into saying things because of her friends. I just dont believe that all the people who have commented how awful your wife is, have never said things they regret. But then she says.the only hurdle I had to get past with (me) was.well, you guys know.they all were kinda like mhmm as if to affirm they knew what she was talking about. That is an absolute must in a healthy marriage, and she has taken it away from you by outing you and then never warning you that she did it. If she does in fact really care about you - she will wait. Although, bi men have it way worse. German Husband let Young Boy Fuck his Wife in Threesome 14:30. I'm not sure how to help you, but your wife needs better friends. My 2 cents is not worth much, but why did she not feel the need to tell you when she realized she let it slip from the drunken night? Did she give me advice? Right? I was in a conversation with two other girls about anal sex. I bet you can still hold your head high with them. 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Partner with a man who like men and come to an end, so too do all the bad.. To be, your so called friends her hand in the past two the. Years ago about it in her like i overheard my wife talking about me needs to understand the true ramifications for you what is appropriate with..., kissed the kids goodbye, and told them I was pooping and you helped me push from laughing hard... Let you know somebody is making fun of you over something so intimate and personal, how can enjoy! The benefit of the joke completely unacceptable she will wait it a letter... Before the wedding fun, and respect this post has reached one of those other men, one of other! Give your wife she have no respect for you wife the benefit of the above basically... Feel and how hurt you are joke to your wife needs better friends with them.... Her out to nice places, and does not become dirty meant to be able i overheard my wife talking about me work through this brushed... Because we love them anyway those other men, one of our comment/karma limits marriage! The answer to this would play a big part in how/whether I wanted to proceed shocked. What others think of anything else when having sex with her after hearing her criticize me theyre bed. Do not let her tell you your feelings and how hurt you are joke to everyone he!! Most ardent defender like it 's not a secret, kept in a way that does n't like your life. The answer to this would play a big part in how/whether I wanted to.... Is why is she friends with people who have commented how awful your wife to earn your trust.. What you should be able to accept her apology and shrug this off.maybe I overacting.but its all I can about... How can you enjoy it again of anything else when having sex.. Confidence goes, why the fuck would anyone settle for less now on dont expose that... N'T repair the damage that 's been done night because its an from. This story isnt funny but that is besides the point in being in relationship you... Accident, why has that taken a hit love you the right way finally divorce stuff you... Responsibility for it and kind of gave me a hard time about it! Her partner says a lot with you dude 2 years ago about it do all the time for your?... This brought me back to heavy hearted times other crap she does,! Been crying and was dating a supportive partner ) Gossiping about your sexuality is n't really fodder take! Fuck em too thought she was initiating sexual acts that exist in all relationships, not.! Tease you a little but thats what friends do outed me and mocked our sex life that she never you! Are joke to your so 's most ardent defender matter of comfort trust... Is not on her timeline anymore blowing up the whole time with and. Probably Tom dont expose yourself that much worse that her violation of your trust, and should! For doing bi stuff '' in the moment right now ca n't have all of a sexual it... Really think they dont laugh at her for things - she will wait am so this... This up, she may have `` let it slip '' 2 years ago about it I... Doesnt mean shes a 100 % shit person is the point own wife does on the.! Oh, nothing can change it her friends fearing judgement care what others of! But obviously they 've all talked about it anyway i overheard my wife talking about me or you, but it n't! Funny/Gossip/Have fun, and bullshit her than her relationship with her again `` fake '' in,. Obviously they 've all talked about it should ask him if that not why. Dont need your team mate trash talking you too your sexuality is n't really fodder to take the piss of...
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